LIFE SKILLS.

I read about the art of negotiation in the recent past and it created a notion in my head that to get what you want in life you just have to acquire the skills to play the game of life. The skill my people, is the art of negotiation. In reference to what I read, we all negotiate everyday. When you want someone to cover for you at work, when you have one too many drinks and can’t go home for some reason (maybe your wife is a python or you still live in your mother’s house) so you call a friend at 2am for a spot to sleep. Perhaps the latter situation is a little extreme in the sense that it doesn’t occur that often… well, for most people, but it is in such occasions that you need something a little extra to get what you need, that you might not necessarily deserve.

Just so that we are on the same page, I feel compelled to define the word ‘negotiate’, not according to the dictionary but in the context of which I’m using it. To ‘negotiate’ can fundamentally be defined as persuasion or convincing in order to gain that which you desire while having to give up the least. It is possible. This blog was not intended to give a lecture on the subject but I will say one thing, you have to understand the interests of the other person. Have a little something on them too, you get?

Anyway, so I tried to put into practice what I read in them stupid books. I went out to the world and I could see all the things I did wrong… unfortunately I couldn’t make them right, I’m just too critical to negotiate. Check this scenario; me and a friend walk up to the entrance of a club… wait, we weren’t going in to drink or party. We’d traveled together and arrived late (8pm) so while we were in town, he decided I had to see this place which he likes. I wasn’t so much interested but I went anyway. At the entrance I get frozen, apparently I look like a twelve year old with facial hair! It was ridiculous. I probably should but I don’t walk with my ID probably because I have never owned a wallet. I tried to ‘negotiate’ but what I ended up doing was trying to win the argument. I even engaged hypothetical talk; ‘what if I have a student ID?’ As we continued to argue, he lets another person enter without asking for his ID which makes matters worse. Long story short we were let in, my friend was the better negotiator for the day and he didn’t read any books. He bribed the bouncer with fifty shillings. I didn’t like that. I preferred to just walk away which I was already doing but my friend insisted. My point? I lost my point.

But I like the following conversation I heard in a movie.

Man 1 : How much do you charge?
Man 2 : 50,000
Man 1 : 50,000, are you kidding? Earlier you said 30,000.
Man 2 : Things have changed since then.
Man 1 : (Sighs) I’ll give you 40,000
Man 2 : Deal.
Man 2’s partner : Hey, you know what? We were bluffing, we would have taken 30,000
Man 1 : I was bluffing, I would have given you 50,000.

THE DILEMMA FACING DUDES.

This has happened to me so many times now it pisses me off. It's not fair, but it's part of the game and I have to play it. We call it keeping it real.


I see these chics I'm not interested in and thank goodness I can always tell from a mile away where a conversation is headed. My buddy likes the flirting and teasing, I pull away but its me they want so they call for me.


I hesitate.


"What's wrong, don't be a wimp!"


My friend whispers in my ear; these ladies here might think you scared, you don't want them to think you can't handle them. I remember very well that I told him to leave them alone! In my mind I know I can't bear to be seen in their company. I had to play along, I always play along, what am I supposed to do? They were coming on me too strong! C'mon, show us what you got, their body language screamed. And they talked nasty, her friend, I mean one of them girls really talked dirty. She was like a filthy cheer leader egging me on to get jiggy with it.. saying things like we looked good together.


We kissed... and touched. Thank God she did not push me to go all the way. Perhaps she wanted me to love her, maybe she wanted me to plead and really want it. Well, I didn't want it. After the kiss I swear I wanted to spew, I ran to my room and brushed my MOUTH clean! Ironically, she a good kisser.


An overnight entertainment function in the campus, she books me. "Don't go missing now", she warns. I met her, we hang around a little and I lose her. I had someone else in mind whom I ended up having a good time with through the night. Me went mteja, had to switch back on because I had the room keys, just incase my roomies needed them.


Long story short, we ain't talking now. A beef builded up. I don't claim to be a heartthrob, but she thinks I think so. She think I feel so sweet, but its not that. Its simple, I just don't want her! It's college, we don't say no to chics, we use and dump them. But not me, I just can't. I love myself too much.


I hate that its come this, beef. I hate hating. I hate grudges. We can talk, can't we? I'm sorry I made you cry (I hear she did), I didn't mean to run away like that. Maybe I'm a wimp.

SILENCE PLEASE, DO NOT WALK!

It's like I couldn't be irritated enough by the now usual blaring sounds of funny ring tones in the library [don't even get me started, that's a story for another day] All women decided to come to the library wearing stilettos!You know the sound when they're moving around, swinging there hips, careful not to sink in the ground? Tik, tok, tik... like a clock on a wall.

Please fly by, don't walk, some other people's attention spans equal that of a 2year old. Stiletto-wearing in the library just made it to my list of heinous women behavior. And no, men don't behave badly, women do.

Now, before I get carried away and turn this into a women thing, and before they label me sexist or anything -ist, I just want to elucidate one thing here. I really do like it when they wear those high heeled shoes. They really do look nice in them too, [have you noticed I'm rhyming? Anyway.] but they don't have to make me look bad when I'm trying to peruse my books!

Why do women have issues when it comes to picking the right attire for the occasion or even the weather? Jeez, it's a clASS not a clUB, why do you arrive here naked? [Perhaps I should go slow on his one cuz my wish may just be granted.]

To some extent I don't make this observation filled with disgust but I rather see it as a wrong mode of conduct. It's like Tv, you don't need it when you want to engage in deep conversation with someone. You'd like both, but each at it's own time. So will someone please tell the honies to leave the shoes in their rightful places when they come to the library? Then we will catch up with them outside.

Ah, college life!